For the last few weeks I have felt off. Well, actually if you want to know the truth, the last couple of years I have felt off. Last year, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's. Which is basically an autoimmune disorder where your body destroys your thyroid. It was preceded by a litany of bizarre problems and it was a relief to find out that there was a reason for them all. That has not stopped the bizarre problems from coming, but it explains them.
I am sure no one wants to hear about my TSH levels, I am bored talking about them. I am tired, I am anxious, my hair is falling out, I feel like I can't breathe, I am anemic, crazy bad anxiety, I have dry skin, Half of my eyebrows are gone, oh and I gained half a person in the last 2 years. In the big picture, people have it a lot worse than this. I know this. I also know that I have the power to make myself better through diet and exercise. I also know that I am not in the greatest of places emotionally.
I have said before that I often feel guilty complaining incessantly, that really does not stop me though.
The last time I visited my doctor, I voiced my concern that I was not feeling any better. She tested me for a bunch of stuff, most of which I did not have, which is awesome. What was super annoying was the fact that my thyroid level was up to where it was before I even got my diagnosis. A year in, on medication. We did the test a week later just to make sure it was not wrong, as it jumped up quite a bit since the summer. It was even higher. Sigh. Once again, there is relief in an explanation to my feelings because I spend most of evenings trying to talk myself off a ledge. I have had horrible insomnia, which coupled with the exhaustion I feel due to my stupid non functioning thyroid makes me feel loony. So it's back to the medication drawing board, trying something different and hoping for the best. At this point, I just need that little spark back, that feeling that I don't have to summon up every last bit of energy I have to go down to the basement and throw in a load of wash. That is one pathetic loserish feeling to have.
So, my pity party is going to be over soon, I am really starting to annoy myself. Today, today will be the last day. It's the first day of my new medicine, and I am going to call a nutritionist to help me get back on track with the healthy eating. It's time for some goals, I should make big ones and a few small ones just so I can remember what it's like to reach a goal.
Goals for the next 6 months:
1) Wear that fitbit. Remember to not accidentally throw it in the garbage.
2) Fire up that vitamix. Nothing like starting your day with a zillion grams of protein in a nice green smoothie. What's that stuff Charlie Sheen drank? Tiger Blood, that can't hold a candle to my green smoothie.
3) Make sure I go on a vacation that does not involve: bringing your own toilet paper, 1 million steps, getting an x ray, and cooking my own food.
4) Try and figure out a way to get some sleep. I might have to hit myself over the head with a sledgehammer.
5) Get off gluten. Everyone's doing it. Why not me? (no seriously, it's bad for autoimmune diseases)
6) Do something different. I am thinking of volunteering somewhere. I want to put something good out there.
7) Be happy and grateful and loving.